Losing everything

Here is a shot of the garden area where we had tea yesterday.  

 

Last night we had a wonderful service in a little chapel built in 1100 (I’m guessing) and they had a pilgrim blessing with the priest blessing us with a sprig of heather dipped in Holy water. I held my sea glass from Alaska and cried. I am letting go of my teaching career and am open to change. It was a hard decision to come to. I will always be a “teacher” but now it will be outside the classroom. I have no idea what I’m going to do, but I had to let it go. 

I also was letting go of Alaska. My son, who was my life, still lives there.  I wanted to go back to be closer to him, but it isn’t where my husband can be, so I felt like I was setting Ben (my son) free to be the wonderful man that he is: away from his mama (a hard thing to finally do). He will be fine. 

I also realized earlier in my Camino that I had carried another object that I had to leave. When leaving home, I put my beautiful wedding  ring in my jewelry box , it had 3 big diamonds, and I didn’t want to lose it or attract thieves. I found a simple band and wore that. 

Memories and past experiences will flow through your mind and soul as you walk the Camino, and last week, I realized I was wearing a ring from a very abusive relationship I had 20 years ago. All the pain and memory of how he had treated me came back. He had convinced me at one point that I deserved his anger because I was worthless. It was only by Gods grace I didn’t end my life.

So….walking up to Cruz de Ferro, I had three things to lay at the feet of Jesus: My intense loss of Alaska, the end of my teaching career, and the ring of this horrid man. If you can imagine, it was an emotional walk. The wind was blowing, my raincoat flapping, and there it was.

Cruz de Ferro is surprisingly a humble landmark. Thousands and thousands of pilgrims have touched this battered pole with a simple iron cross. As with anything faith-based, it might appear to be insignificant, but it is the faith that one carries that sanctifies the touchstone.   

  

I know God will give me another ring to wear on my walk, and I’m anticipating where I will find it…but, like my heavy pack, I must not carry anything that will weigh me down. Walk, listen and see the wonder of God. This is what I must do.

There are things I have lost in my life, by neglect, or by theft. And then there are things that you purposely lose to be free. whatever it is that is holding you back, don’t be afraid to let it go.

In fear, I lay down all my dreams and “plans” upon a spot where thousands have in faith laid them down. In holy fear and reverence I yield my life for the Lord to fill. 

 

On a barren ridge, surrounded by heather, with the wind gusting: I let go. The hike turned beautiful for the next few miles: 

      

And finally, the Albergue.  

About neverlost4good

Free-lance writer. I am able to work with chaos and organize it into function.
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